How Many Licks Does It Take?

How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll Center of a Tootsie Pop? How many times will I be saying I am going on a diet and countless times fail?  How many times does it take to be certain it's time to make a change? How many times have I thought I hit rock bottom? The world may never know.

Raise your hand if you know how difficult it is to be fat, overweight, or obese? (Mentally, Physically and Emotionally.)  Believe me, it's not exactly a fabulous feeling.  The pep talk I have to give myself in the morning is unbearable.  The feeling of my heart and chest ready to implode at Zumba class is horrifying.  And the anxiety I feel when I am out is borderline psychotic.  I always think everyone is staring.  In fact, skinny people if you are reading this, it may require just as much energy and strength as it does to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  Now I know all of you health gurus think I am talking gibberish but I mean it, it is hard work. 

I will tell you what made me click and realize I really didn't want to look or feel this way anymore.  For those of you who don't know my line of work, I am a Psychiatric Nursing Assistant in a Psychiatric Hospital.  One of my first orientation shifts I was to help an elderly woman get ready for the day (i.e. get her teeth, get her toiletries, her hearing aides, etc.) And the first thing she said to me wasn't "good morning!" Mind you she was very old and on the Alzheimer's wing, she said "Boy are you fat! How much do you even weigh?" I think my heart stopped beating for a minute.  I felt my face get as fervent as fire.  And I tried to disappear while choke down tears.  After all, how could I cry at one of my first days on the job?! So I sucked it up, and proceeded with the cruel words and abuse until I finally said "You know, I have a mirror at home, I SEE THAT I AM FAT, you don't have to point it out and celebrate it." She stopped talking and her mouth tightened into a pencil thin line and sighed a heavy sigh and said, "well I am just looking out for you Kara.  You are my only granddaughter and I don't want anything to happen to you!"  By the end of the day, I loved this woman.  I knew I couldn't let anything happen to "Kara."

The event that happened with the old lady really woke me up and it was right before Christmas time.  I vowed that after New Year's Eve, my life was about to change for good.  The holiday week was my last hurrah to enjoy life as I knew it so of course naturally I binge ate myself to chest pains and stomach aches.  After January 1, 2014 I, like an alcoholic, poured my metaphoric alcohol down the drain and replenished my toxic waste with wholesome natural GMO free food.  Trader Joe's is amazing by the way.

There are three things that you should not bargain with, Food, Shoes, and a Mattress.  Never put a price on your well being.  Or try to save a buck if it means keeping you healthier.  Food choices are so important and I realize that now.  My skin is feeling better.  My hair is looking fantastic.  I am feeling great.  The first step you can take towards a better life for yourself and loved ones is to purge out the garbage literally and figuratively.  And only let there be healthy choices to choose from.  It's all about quality not even the food itself.  They make healthier modifications of everything now and it tastes good! 

Even though I will never be able to count on my fingers and toes how many times I have started a diet, what I can tell you is what got me to wake up and smell the grease in my pours was a nice swift kick to my stomach by this old lady who thought I was her granddaughter Kara.   

Even if it may hurt them, lay on the awful truth to your loved ones, it may save them one day.