Addict

My name is Kristen and I'm an addict.  My addiction does not include illegal drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, or tanning.  I am addicted to food.  I use it as a crutch.  And that's my biggest obstacle.  Now for those of you rolling your eyes and saying to yourselves "you just have to want it!" News flash, I DO want it! (And by it I mean to be a fit, trim, and healthy woman.) I am almost 26 years old. As a young human being, especially in this society, I am forced to want it.

Let's back track a bit.  Have any of you felt self conscious about anything? Your hair? Your makeup? If you have a little cellulite? Your boobs are two different sizes? Too short? Too tall? Too perfect? Now imagine a life without these little anxieties. "And I think to myself, what a wonderful world."  Think hard about what caused this self consciousness? Did you get criticized? Did you hear someone else get made fun of for something you had too? Did you hear it on the news? Or on a Tabloid? One little tic tac size of a comment can lead a person on a very long journey of self hate and self awareness.  Now picture if you never were criticized about a certain something, do you think you'd still feel the way you do? Or would you not think twice about it? We are not born to feel this way. It's not natural.  If I didn't feel like being fat was wrong and I was treated like a skinny or fit person, I would have no idea or inkling that I carried this imaginary disease called obesity and that you can stare and judge but don't touch, you might catch it!

I figured something out long ago.  Those who judge, are victims of judgement.  It's a cycle.  Human beings crave power.  Once they feel they lost power, they must do something to gain it back and feel on top again so they use their demise to bring someone else down.  Life is a race. A competition.  And that's not what life is intended to be.  God, Allah, Buddha, whomever you worship, is probably very disgusted with how the human race have become so wrapped up in the contest of power because everyone's forgotten that life is meant to be lived and enjoyed by your OWN way of happiness. Not someone else's.  

I want you to look in the mirror today and instead of being judgmental of yourself, say "I am beautiful."  Because you are.  Everyone has beauty in them somewhere.  And remember this, you are an egg.  The shell, our body, will eventually crack. One day people won't want the shell, they'll want the good stuff inside. And remember you for the good stuff.  A body and face can change.  Your personality can not.  And if you know you are ugly on the inside, maybe you should try a personality diet and exercise your power to be nice and make someone feel good.  Remember, all you have to do is WANT IT.