Leap of Faith....

To my fellow readers I bid you an apology for not posting.  I have been at a huge crossroad in my life and unfortunately my life wasn't allowing me the privilege of practicing my passion of writing.  I have been a ghost lately.  Not many know this but I work two full time jobs plus being a mom.  Something had to give. So I found a wonderful wolf pack family that would take Jack in as their own... JUST KIDDING!!! 

Since I last wrote, my life has changed drastically.  I guess I will start from the beginning.  

I started seeing a dietician with my cousin Ally.  We have become the dynamic dieting duo! Go us!  We are going to try to go at least once a month.  Our dietician is phenomenal.  I already lost 6 pounds from that!

I got health insurance! Yes I am finally allowed to get sick.  I went from doing rain dances to the gods above that I wouldn't catch a bug to having one of the best insurance plans available.  Working in the medical field has lots of perks.  It's so amazing how different it is to hold this little plastic card with a few letters and numbers put together to generate a member ID.  I'm human again and I need to thank God for me stumbling across my job back in October.  

Speaking of my job, the head honcho Executive Nurse reached out to me to let me know I'm in the next CNA certification course.  A course that costs $1,300 at Bergen Community College because it's like a career certificate.  She personally approved me to be in the mid-June class.  It's free of cost and I'm going to be paid for my time taking the class! (What?!!).  It's a dream.  My spirit guides and God are definitely paving this path for me and I'm finally listening to them. 

Which leads to the next giant leap of faith I took this week.  I have been working like a dog lately.  Barley getting sleep.  I have been stressed out to the max and have had no time for anything in my life.  So I decided to ask my job if they had a 7-3 full time shift available.  (I work 11pm - 7am)  Turns out they did and I asked if I could start in June so I wouldn't screw the mom of the kids I nanny during the day.  Well naturally they couldn't hold a position for me so I asked for beginning of May so I could give my boss ample time to find someone to replace me.  I got approved for May 5th! So I resigned from caring for the children to start my actual career.  I'm sad to go but like I said, something had to give before I had a nervous break down. 

Andy my boyfriend of two years moved in! This was huge in our relationship.  We have been through so much and by him moving in with Jack and me really proved a lot to me.  I am so blessed to have him in my life. (He even cooks and cleans!). But the most important part is that he is so amazing with Jack.  They are two peas in a pod. 

I am not sure if you believe in Divinity but I was guided this past month by a voice that was clear as day.  My guardian or spirit guide has enveloped me in this warm embrace because I have learned to listen by quieting down my life.  I have been blessed with the gift of empathy and claircognizance.  I know I am meant to heal people in a way that most don't understand or are not able to do.  On Thursday I am visiting The Institute for Therapeutic Massage for a tour and I will be starting Reiki classes by Spiritual Healer.  Things are looking up for me and I know that this path has been the one I was supposed to take for a very long time because for the first time in a very long time, if ever, I am at peace with myself.  

I am going to do my weekly and monthly favorites tomorrow and will be featuring a very special person in my life.  God bless you all for sticking with me and reading about my life.

If you are unhappy with your life for any reason, take a leap of faith.  You won't fall.  Your guardians are able to fly. And they won't let you down.  



Peace and Love. 

Lent, Repent, Compliment...

Hello my lovely readers!!! I am so excited about the wonderful feedback I have been getting from writing my little articles. I never knew how much I could relate to people.  It's amazing how helping even just one person would have made all of this writing worth it. However, I have gotten such great reviews. It really is over whelming.  

So for those of you who know me, I am not very religious.  I'd consider myself more spiritual than anything.  I respect all religions though.  I think the concept of faith is beautiful.  And it's not even that I don't believe anything or that I need proof, I'm just non committal because I like certain concepts from all different beliefs and denominations. 

I was raised Catholic and I'm going to say this now just in my own opinion, not one of my favorites.  Christianity is about Christ, not the Saints, so I don't agree with worshiping them or praying to them every time I lose my keys. St. Anthony, take a breather.  One thing that I find very humbling though is Lent and giving up something you love for 40 days.  Whether you are Christian, Muslim, Jewish, etc.  Try this.  The symbolism of it is fantastic.  Even if you do 40 day challenge, or write something that you are grateful for each day for 40 days, you'll find it rewarding.  The concept behind it is that Jesus walked the desert for 40 days and 40 nights without food or water and was tempted by Satan 3 times and he denied it.  What a champ. 

I gave up gluten.  Yes.  I said gluten. My cousin recently discovered she has Celiac Disease which means she is allergic to wheat products.  I am not allergic but she inspired me to do this.  I know it isn't easy for her because she  LOVES pasta and bagels etc. Now I know you are wondering how she made it this far and never knew about her allergy and the answer is, we never knew why she was always getting so sick all the time with massive migraines, headaches, and irregular digestive symptoms.  I urge you to get tested. Sometimes your stomach can even blow up like a balloon and make you look pregnant.  My cousin reminds me a lot of Christ.  She is a leader. She has a heart of pure solid gold.  Her soul is beautiful.  And I couldn't be prouder. I am so blessed to have her in my life. So giving up gluten for 40 days is my Lent give up and tribute to my angel and best friend. 

I'm feeling fantastic by the way.  I may just stay gluten free.  So many options now and neat recipes and tricks.  

I am going to start a new segment on my blog called "Challenge Accepted."  I will do one once a month given the circumstance.  This month I am testing the Oil Pulling Method.  This is when you take a spoonful of vegetable based oil, swish it around in your mouth for 20 minutes (ONLY 20 important you don't do less or more) and you spit it out, rinse really thoroughly (I rinse with sea salt water.)


Do it first thing in the morning on an empty stomach before you've had anything including water.  Pretend it is like mouthwash except for the gargling part.  The oil becomes watery as it emulsifies.  Supposedly, this is an ancient method used to detoxify your mouth, whiten teeth, and is even mythicized to reverse diseases.  (May even become therapeutic to TMJ) For more information here is a website I find the most resourceful  Oil Pulling Method

So my challenge is I will do this for 20 minutes a day for 20 days in a row and take pictures of my teeth every day to see the difference in color and hopefully repent those toxins!

Since it is the middle of the month, I will be giving you my latest favorites.  Including a book because a mind at work is a body at work.  Always exercise your brain no matter what.  A favorite product. An inspirational person. And an app. 



Book of the month:
  

Purchase from Amazon

Now I know Dr. Oz can seem a little gimmicky but this book has taught me a whole lot about my body.  Think of it as an anatomy book written in terms that you can understand and retain.  Great read. I got it on my kindle and I recommend that version because there is a bunch of interactive media and videos. Really cool and interesting stuff.

Product of the month:

Trader Joe's Organic Coconut Oil
(The oil I use for oil pulling)



Inspiration of the Month:

Allison Estell, my cousin, soul sister, and best friend.




App of the month:

GymPact

Let me tell you how much I LOVE THIS APP! It is one of the most motivating ones I have come across.  You do need a credit or debit card but it won't be charged unless you break a "pact". You can make three pacts to yourself.  An exercise pact, a food logging pact, and a fruits and veggies pact.  You get to choose how many days a week or times per week you are willing to do and for every broken pact you get charged an amount of money you get to choose as well. ($5 min)   The greatest part is that if you made your pact for the week and kept it, YOU GET PAID!!!   It varies each week because you get paid for other people's broken pacts! Love it. I'm up to 7 days a week logging food, 35 veggies/fruits a week, and 3 times of 30 min exercises a week.   If the payout was $1.00 I'd get $45/week for just doing my normal routine, yes please!







Weekly I would like to start featuring a recipe, a look at my grocery list, and a special song of the week that relates to how I am feeling or something that gets me pumped when I exercise. 

Recipe: Gluten Free Turkey Meatballs and Corn Spaghetti

• 1 lb ground turkey
• ½ medium onion, finely chopped
• 2 cloves crushed garlic
• 1 rice cake, food processed 
• 1 egg
• 1/2 tsp salt
• Your favorite Marinara sauce, or sauce of your choosing. 
• 16 oz. Trader Joe's Corn Spaghetti
• Salted water to cook pasta in. 

Preheat oven 400 F. 

Combine the first 6 ingredients. Form them into 1inch ball shapes and place them on a non stick pan or spray olive oil on cookie sheet so they don't stick.  Bake for 15 min. 

While they are baking heat sauce up in medium sauce pan. 

Bring water to a boil and cook pasta to desired consistency. 

Once they are done baking place them carefully in the sauce and continue cooking for another 10-15 min.  

And Enjoy!

A great tip:

I food processed a whole sleeve of rice cakes. Added sea salt, pepper, Parmesan cheese, garlic and onion powder to make my breadcrumb substitute in advanced.  Comes out great. 

Grocery 'A List' Items: 

From Vitamin Shop: 
Vitamin E. (Pure vitamin in with dropper)
Vitamin B12  capsules 

From Trader Joe's: 
Ground turkey 
Chicken breast 
Sack of sweet potatos
Organic Quick Boil Jasmine Brown Rice
Roasted Plantain Chips
Latin Style Black Bean Soup 
Flaxseed 
Rice cakes 
Corn pasta
Trader Joe's Marinara Sauce 


Song of the Week :

Work Bitch by Britney Spears

Need I say more? This song will make you so energized and want to destroy something. 

Well this concludes my post.  Please give me some feedback on what you think.  As always, I love everyone's reviews! I hope you enjoyed this one!

Fear smells bad...

Fear is a huge set back in life.  Fear shields us from trying new things.  Isn't life supposed to be all about taking chances and living life to the fullest? Think of a moment that you were fearful but over came it and succeeded.  I know it has happened to all of us.  Did you feel silly for even being afraid in the first place or was it the fear that drove you to take the leap of faith?

As someone who is overweight, I harbor a lot of fear in my life.  I fear being stared at for looking the way I do, I fear what friendly people to my face say behind my back when I leave, I fear the gym because it always seems every time I go the people there are spectacularly beautiful and I am tarnishing the image by my heaving , sweaty red face, and because I have yet to find a good bra for gigantic boobs, well...you get the picture...

Its a catch 22.  I want to look good and feel good but I fear the one place that can help me reach my goal and by getting anxiety, I turn to my vice and begin again.  It is one huge vicious cycle.  I know one thing for sure is I definitely need professional help getting past all of these silly fears because in the end that is what fear is...silly. 

For the past few months I have here and there been talking to a local personal trainer.  We somehow stumbled across each other on Facebook and I noticed we had a few mutual friends and then he started posting stuff on the "town page" I started for the community.

I was really intrigued by his business name, "Transformations by Sean Michael." See transformation is an incredibly powerful word.  It's more than a change because it isn't abrupt.  A transformation is like a dramatic slow motion morph.  Nothing comes easy in life and I think this is a great gift because we appreciate the things we work for.

Sean gives that gift.  He not only owns his business, which shows he is passionate about what he does, he actually is an employee there.  He is a life coach and personal trainer which means he not only physically works with you but also WANTS to emotionally motivate you.  And may I add he does this all in the comfort of your own home? What an amazing concept. The cherry on top of this whole business is now he teamed up with a nutrition coach who really seems like she wants to help.

Sean recognizes the needs of people who have fear.  I know this because I have spoken to him about some really deep fears I have which is not always easy, and I would like to share our conversation I had with him.

So there you have it.  Coming from a true inspiration to me.  Sean Kehoe, owner of Transformations by Sean Michael.

Visit his site and get in contact with him.  He is there to help.

Neg-uh-tiv

neg·a·tive

  [neg-uh-tiv]  Show IPA

adjective

1.

expressing or containing negation or denial: a negative response tothe question.

2.

refusing consent, as to a proposal: a negative reply to my request.

3.

expressing refusal to do something: He maintained a negativeattitude about cooperating.

4.

prohibitory, as a command or order.

5.

characterized by the absence of distinguishing or markedqualities or features; lacking positive attributes (opposed topositive ): a dull, lifeless, negative character.

Isn't it amazing how much this word effects our lives?  One inch of negativity can cancel out the entire mile of positivity we as humans have acheived.  Why is this?! Doesn't this really make you angry? 

I have decided to welcome negativity back into my life, not that it really left.  Not because I'm a freak and into that weird masochism everyone rants about these days (damn you 50).  But because of one simple realization I had this morning.  

Think of the food pyramid if you will.  This is an essential half assed guide line of nutrients our body needs to be considered healthy....or my favorite term "well balanced" (HA!) I am sorry but think this pyramid is bullshit with a capital thumbs down.  I really think the pyramid shape is a great start but I truly believe people kind of know what they need in the day within reason.  You should make your OWN food pyramid and not go by the guidelines of this.  It's my opinion.  Maybe I don't want to have a serving of legumes and soy at all...EVER! I want Popeyes. No just kidding.. half kidding.... But whole grains make me feel slow, vegetables energize me, fruits are damn delicious, and I need a lot of protein and iron.

here is a visual 

Now, I assure you right now, my day does not look like this...ever.  First of all I always need to start  my "diet" on a Monday, I am not sure why, it must be a procastination defense.  And second of all a guideline like this to me seems so tacky.  But what really annoys me about the food pyramid is that the researchers never included a Lifestyle Pyramid to be next to it.  What about the essential mental and emotional servings we need per day to make us emotionally stable and well balanced.  Or my favorite fictional word "Functional."  I call it fictional because I have yet to see functionality anywhere. 

Fill in your needs.

Needless to say, negativity would be at the top of my Lifestyle Pyramid.  I need it like I need a handful of popcorn to crave my salty tooth.  I observe a lot. And on of the most common thing I hear is people always repeating this same expression give or take a few words "I'm going to just cut the negativity out of my life and surround myself with positivity." or my personal favorite "I'm Done!" I am sorry if this is going to offend you but, if our world was all positive, and if we were all "DONE!" how would we know the difference between the two forces? We'd all be glitter and rainbows and cotton candy trees.  It would be a very scary thing.  

I know I need the negativity and drama in my life so I can truly enjoy and SAVOR the good things.  Now this is just a theory not a fact.  I only ask you to consider my opinion and if you agree, then thats wonderful, if you don't then I equally think thats wonderful.  Because everyone one is different, we can't all eat the same pyramid, and we all can't be good energy.  It is what makes this world revolve and evolve.

Today someone who I won't name made a very snarky comment to me which in my eyes was negative and felt like a personal attack.  If the the old Kristen existed, I would have flipped but now that I have really sorted through some things, I really needed that person to be a dick to me because what it actually did was make me smile and it made me realize, God, I really do have my crazy blue ducks in a row.  Thank you nameless, you really gave me a good idea to write something, and in the end just gave me more power.

I then wrote my Facebook status: 

     Even if we know it's toxic. Sometimes we need certain people and things in our life so we can tell the difference between positive and negative entities.

So I bid my lovely readers adieu and please look forward to my next post about Personal Training with a real conversation I had with an amazing person and trainer. 

How Many Licks Does It Take?

How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll Center of a Tootsie Pop? How many times will I be saying I am going on a diet and countless times fail?  How many times does it take to be certain it's time to make a change? How many times have I thought I hit rock bottom? The world may never know.

Raise your hand if you know how difficult it is to be fat, overweight, or obese? (Mentally, Physically and Emotionally.)  Believe me, it's not exactly a fabulous feeling.  The pep talk I have to give myself in the morning is unbearable.  The feeling of my heart and chest ready to implode at Zumba class is horrifying.  And the anxiety I feel when I am out is borderline psychotic.  I always think everyone is staring.  In fact, skinny people if you are reading this, it may require just as much energy and strength as it does to maintain a healthy lifestyle.  Now I know all of you health gurus think I am talking gibberish but I mean it, it is hard work. 

I will tell you what made me click and realize I really didn't want to look or feel this way anymore.  For those of you who don't know my line of work, I am a Psychiatric Nursing Assistant in a Psychiatric Hospital.  One of my first orientation shifts I was to help an elderly woman get ready for the day (i.e. get her teeth, get her toiletries, her hearing aides, etc.) And the first thing she said to me wasn't "good morning!" Mind you she was very old and on the Alzheimer's wing, she said "Boy are you fat! How much do you even weigh?" I think my heart stopped beating for a minute.  I felt my face get as fervent as fire.  And I tried to disappear while choke down tears.  After all, how could I cry at one of my first days on the job?! So I sucked it up, and proceeded with the cruel words and abuse until I finally said "You know, I have a mirror at home, I SEE THAT I AM FAT, you don't have to point it out and celebrate it." She stopped talking and her mouth tightened into a pencil thin line and sighed a heavy sigh and said, "well I am just looking out for you Kara.  You are my only granddaughter and I don't want anything to happen to you!"  By the end of the day, I loved this woman.  I knew I couldn't let anything happen to "Kara."

The event that happened with the old lady really woke me up and it was right before Christmas time.  I vowed that after New Year's Eve, my life was about to change for good.  The holiday week was my last hurrah to enjoy life as I knew it so of course naturally I binge ate myself to chest pains and stomach aches.  After January 1, 2014 I, like an alcoholic, poured my metaphoric alcohol down the drain and replenished my toxic waste with wholesome natural GMO free food.  Trader Joe's is amazing by the way.

There are three things that you should not bargain with, Food, Shoes, and a Mattress.  Never put a price on your well being.  Or try to save a buck if it means keeping you healthier.  Food choices are so important and I realize that now.  My skin is feeling better.  My hair is looking fantastic.  I am feeling great.  The first step you can take towards a better life for yourself and loved ones is to purge out the garbage literally and figuratively.  And only let there be healthy choices to choose from.  It's all about quality not even the food itself.  They make healthier modifications of everything now and it tastes good! 

Even though I will never be able to count on my fingers and toes how many times I have started a diet, what I can tell you is what got me to wake up and smell the grease in my pours was a nice swift kick to my stomach by this old lady who thought I was her granddaughter Kara.   

Even if it may hurt them, lay on the awful truth to your loved ones, it may save them one day.

A broken window solved my problems...

So I used to be a drive thru whore.  I don't mean with just food.  I mean the bank, the drive thru USPS mailbox, Starbucks for coffee, and there even used to be (get ready) a drive thru convenient store near me.  Could you get any lazier?  

Not only was I a lazy lump, I was also really nervous and anxious to go out and have people see me.  I was always big but since I had my son 5 years ago, I gained a lot more and it's kind of a shameful feeling.  You think high school was bad enough let me show these people how much I improved and kicked ass! Instead I got knocked up at 19, gained 60 pounds, and even better, never got my college degree.  Loser was written all over me. 

What made things worse for me was being in that young frame of mind still and seeing on Facebook all of my friends from my past studying abroad, going out, having a great life, partying, clubbing, while I was rocking an infant to sleep with a bottle in my hand.  What made things worsen was that the baby's father, though lived with us, would go out often, sometimes not come home.   

This was my world now and it was crashing down on me. I was 20 years old,so depressed, and just ate my feelings to oblivion.  Easing the pain was driving to the nearest fast food joint, ordering two meals to make it seem like I wasn't ordering for just one person (because that was so embarrassing I already felt like garbage) and actually ate both meals! I would get so nauseous and sick it felt good to at least feel something.  And who was I to let anyone know how deeply devastated I was at such a joyous time in my life? I was supposed to be happy, my son was here.

It was like I couldn't be me. 

So over this past summer I hit my highest weight.  Simultaneously I sold my Jeep and bought a new car with a automatic windows that don't work.  Guess what? Drive thrus were no longer an option. To go to the bank I had to walk to the door, to mail a letter I'd have to walk to the mailbox, to get some fast food--wait a minute, I rarely get fast food anymore.  The broken auto windows prevented me from being able to use the convenience of that self destruction and I found I really don't even want fast food.  It was like the craving wasn't hunger, it was sadness. And that sadness inside needed garbage. And that's exactly what the sadness and sickness was. A big pile of garbage.

Since the Summer I have grown (in a different way haha).  I have noticed a literal maturity in my behavior and lifestyle.  I enjoy food shopping. I'm not afraid of being in public. I started school again. I found purpose in my life with an incredibly rewarding job. And most importantly I've come to realize that my son saved my life in many ways.  He is the blessing of all blessings in my life and I will always be grateful for what he has motivated me to do.  I want to save lives now.  And help people. 

He made me a strong young single mother who can conquer the world. 

By the way, since I got my new broken windowed car, I've lost about 30 pounds. (With added lifestyle change and exercise of course)

And for those wondering about Jack's dad, he is required to pay my weekly child support and is living with his 16 year old girlfriend and her parents. Employed by her dad. Winning?  

Addict

My name is Kristen and I'm an addict.  My addiction does not include illegal drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, or tanning.  I am addicted to food.  I use it as a crutch.  And that's my biggest obstacle.  Now for those of you rolling your eyes and saying to yourselves "you just have to want it!" News flash, I DO want it! (And by it I mean to be a fit, trim, and healthy woman.) I am almost 26 years old. As a young human being, especially in this society, I am forced to want it.

Let's back track a bit.  Have any of you felt self conscious about anything? Your hair? Your makeup? If you have a little cellulite? Your boobs are two different sizes? Too short? Too tall? Too perfect? Now imagine a life without these little anxieties. "And I think to myself, what a wonderful world."  Think hard about what caused this self consciousness? Did you get criticized? Did you hear someone else get made fun of for something you had too? Did you hear it on the news? Or on a Tabloid? One little tic tac size of a comment can lead a person on a very long journey of self hate and self awareness.  Now picture if you never were criticized about a certain something, do you think you'd still feel the way you do? Or would you not think twice about it? We are not born to feel this way. It's not natural.  If I didn't feel like being fat was wrong and I was treated like a skinny or fit person, I would have no idea or inkling that I carried this imaginary disease called obesity and that you can stare and judge but don't touch, you might catch it!

I figured something out long ago.  Those who judge, are victims of judgement.  It's a cycle.  Human beings crave power.  Once they feel they lost power, they must do something to gain it back and feel on top again so they use their demise to bring someone else down.  Life is a race. A competition.  And that's not what life is intended to be.  God, Allah, Buddha, whomever you worship, is probably very disgusted with how the human race have become so wrapped up in the contest of power because everyone's forgotten that life is meant to be lived and enjoyed by your OWN way of happiness. Not someone else's.  

I want you to look in the mirror today and instead of being judgmental of yourself, say "I am beautiful."  Because you are.  Everyone has beauty in them somewhere.  And remember this, you are an egg.  The shell, our body, will eventually crack. One day people won't want the shell, they'll want the good stuff inside. And remember you for the good stuff.  A body and face can change.  Your personality can not.  And if you know you are ugly on the inside, maybe you should try a personality diet and exercise your power to be nice and make someone feel good.  Remember, all you have to do is WANT IT.